really, it would be more accurate to say that the shit hit the fan but i thought that seemed a little too much for a title.
dad had an appointment scheduled with his oncologist today. he needed to have some blood drawn the day before so when i got home from work yesterday he asked me to go get the car warmed up. no problem.
on the way out of the house he nearly fell sideways into the shrubs. and this was while using his walker. (it is quite likely that his balance is failing again due to changes/growth in the tumors.) anyway, nanci caught him, he thanked her and we kept on walking. i opened the car door for him and he started to walk around to the driver's side door and... i'm sure you can see where this is going. i asked what he was doing, he said he was going to drive, i said i thought that wasn't a good idea, he said he wouldn't get his blood test, i said that was his choice. he threw a tantrum (an odd sight coming from a 72-year-old). and then things really got ugly.
the good news (good news??) is that my siblings and i are all on the same page about this. actually, every sane person in the world except for my father is on the same page about this. (perhaps that means that my dad is no longer sane. i hadn't really considered that before.) too bad for me, i was the one that had to actually call him on it. since then my brother & sister have both talked to him about the "episode" and now he is equally pissed off at all of us. he even asked my sister for the car keys again today and when she said no he refused to go to his oncology appointment. awesome. good choice, dad. good choice.
now he's not eating. he isn't talking to any of us except sara, which is better than i expected if you want to know the truth.
what's also "good," in a manner of speaking, is that i'm not really upset about it. normally i feel a lot of guilt -- not to mention a nausating pit in my stomach -- whenever i am in a confrontational situation. this time, i really feel ok. not happy, not glad, not vindicated, just ok. i would feel worse if he were driving. i would never forgive myself if something happened because i caved.
maybe i'm growing up? or maybe my nightly prayers for wisdom/compassion/strength/patience are paying off?
maybe they are.