Sunday, October 29, 2006

going nowhere fast

so, we spent (at least i spent) the last month or so making peace with the fact that rob, sara, and i need to move. we long outgrew my old bedroom, sara's sleeping habits are a mess, and i am beginning to feel less & less like a wife/mother and more and more like the lady that lives at the fraternity house, fighting a losing battle with the chaos and the mess but determined to get a hot meal on the table every night in spite of it all.

we found a house that we liked (or at least that we thought we could afford) and went so far as to get pre-approved for the loan. and then dad went into the hospital again. and now he seems weaker than ever, and just like that the game changed.

our "lets stay with dad to help him through chemo" plan is history. like it or not, i don't think dad is ever really going to get better -- at least not to a point where i would feel good about him being alone for any stretch of time. no, now the game has defintely changed, and we're going to need a lot more players. here's hoping we can work as a team. (heaven help us if we can't.)

so the sad truth is that we still can't do this anymore, but unfortunately we can't do anything else. i suspect it's going to be a long ride. very, very long.

here's what i need to make it through:
-- a better diet and exercise (i don't want to confess how much weight i've gained since we moved here... stress, anyone?)
-- some major clean-up and minor (but key) renovation
-- a room for sara that is all her own
-- regular time away from the grind
-- occasional dates with my husband
-- reminders that really, it's going to be OK
-- prayers
-- a much better attitude
-- more sleep

here we go!


Anonymous said...

I almost wrote, "Have I ever told you you're my hero?" in all seriousness, and then realized it would not be taken seriously given that stupid song...but really, you are. Would that I were so introspective and wise during all our you.


Amy H said...

I can SO relate to the frat house lady! I'll be praying for you, in as much as I understand prayer these days :). I can't imagine the courage it takes to do what you are doing. Honestly, I would be thinking about how Richard would have to be "relocated" in order to be out of the mix.

amy h